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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Monday, June 11, 2007

True Story Time!

Hey all..

I promised to post another true story, so I thought I should spread the wealth on a few more tales from public bathrooms. In a post some time back I commented on how I got felt up in a Wal-Mart bathroom when I used the urinal. Needless to say its really turned me off the concept of the urinal and I stick to the stall.

About seven or eight months after the incident, I was at one of my favorite watering holes, Old Chicago in Peoria. My friend Bill and myself were having a few beers and generally enjoying ourselves. I get up to use the head after having five or six beers. Now I always go to the stall.. but I walked in and the bathroom was empty. There were three urinals along one wall.. and the far left urinal was boxed in by the wall and the partition door to to the stall, so there was only one path to the urinal and you were protected on three sides. So I opted for the urinal.. I figured, "What are the odds that something will happen again?"

As soon as I start relieving myself another drunk patron barrels in the room and uses the urinal next to me.. totally ignoring the unwritten rule about leaving an empty toilet between yourself and another guy when applicable. As soon as he starts relieving himself he uses his free hand to start slapping my shoulder.. and I swear on a stack of Bibles, to "Check out my dick man. Check this shit out. Its so small.. how am I gonna work with this?"

Now I am trapped in the corner with this guy blocking the aisle and repeatedly asking me to check out his junk. Mind you this is the first time I have used a urinal since the Wal-Mart incident. Finally I tell him, "Yeah man that sucks." Then I sorted squeezed by him and bolted for the door. Seriously.. what kind of guy his this kind of luck in a bathroom?

I got one more true bathroom tale that I'll post in my next update, about the time I got kicked out of a Chuckie Cheese (or at least a Chuckie Cheese type restaurant.)

Remember, always lock the stall door.

End of Line.

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