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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Introspection

Hey all,

Time to get a bit reflective again. What is attraction? What makes one person become drawn to another? I often wonder what about me can be attractive. Do women really look for things like personality or a sense of humor? Or does physical attraction hold the key.

Some people believe in love at first sight. That you know within the first minutes of meeting someone that you are meant for each other. That instant sense of attraction. Others believe that attraction can be created over time. Time may pass by and one day you realize that all you ever wanted has been right there all along.

I don't know that I believe in either path right now. I would like to think that I could find qualities in myself that others may one day come to appreciate, but it's hard in a world so geared to physical perfection and all I see is the imperfections of life. I want to think that each day brings me closer to somebody seeing something in me that I don't.

When looking outward, I often wonder how people can be attracted to the wrong type of person. So many times I see people taking the same paths following what they find attractive, only to realize the result is still the same. That is a lot of why I think many girls like the bad boy or the rebel figure. Something so mysterious or outside of their norm that the lure of the unknown becomes intoxicating. Yet afterward I see these same people ask why they become attached to the wrong person so often when it is their choice in the end.

This brings me to ask the question, is attraction even important in a relationship? If you are consistently attracted to the wrong person, or find that others aren't attracted to you in the same way, do you even follow your instincts. I'd like to think that attraction is important. A means to keep the spark of the relationship lit and as a foundation for growth. Does this mean that attraction cannot be experienced over time? Again I think not, as repeated exposure can lend to familiarity, which in turn can lead to even more.

And yet if all this I hold true, why do I feel no closer to finding a relationship today than I did 1 year ago? Or 3? Or 10? It becomes defeating each and every day the same path yields the same results. This is something that shouldn't surprise me. Failure simply leads to more failure. What fear in me lies so deep to allow me to become rooted, anchored to one spot. It is the fear of the unknown, it is fear of more failure, it is fear of the truth. The truth that all the things I do believe are wrong and the world is really a harsh reality. That what I see is what I get and that I am destined for only that which I have. That my failure is my own. That my failure has no right answer.

Who am I to judge another persons attractiveness. What they may find lovely, I may find plain. At least they have found someone. It may be the wrong person and another notch on the belt of failure, but each time they try they get closer to finding the answer. Each time I look to this test, I do not succeed, only fail through not trying.

Stare long enough into the sun and you will go blind. Close your eyes long enough and you'll not know the difference.

End of Line.
Gerrad!

2 comments:

Billy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Billy said...

I see your feeling low, so I had somthing I wanted to get off my chest. It was about that summer you went away to community college. I got an offer to do a spread for Playgirl magazine. I mean a spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. You probably didn't hear about it 'cause I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that, if you could hear me in that brain. That I pulled my butt apart as Mike Honcho.

Yes I did copy and paste that from the myspace message you sent me. Does that make me a horrible friend?

Dude relationships are for chumps! Let's you and me just go down to Mexico and get us some VD! Eh? What do you say? YEAH!

Seriously though I think we all go through that. I'm sure the people who are physically "attracitve" go through periods where they wonder if anyone will ever find their personality attractive. We all have that "dark night of the soul" so to speak. But I feel you man. Well I mean not literally, that'd be kinda gay. But you get my point :)