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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Friday, November 02, 2007

True Story Time!

Happy November all!

It's about time for another true story and while I can't promise that this is as funny or crazy as some of the others, it will be proof positive that the weirdest shit happenes to me. As mandatory at work, I have to work the early shift on the first of every month to complete an inventory and turn in monthly numbers. It is usually a pretty long day, about 10 to 12 hours. This month was no exception as I was also asked to go over to another store to help troubleshoot some numbers and help out with questions for one of the other managers. After turning in numbers, it has become kind of a tradition to head out to a bar and have a few beers and generally wind down the day with other store managers.

We headed to my old watering hole, Old Chicago this time and spent a few hours there.. having fun and what not. As we were leaving a bunch of us was standing out front of the bar still talking and laughing. Then some old grey hair bat pushes her way through 2 other people to come up to me. She grabs the underside of my gut and shakes it asking me "Whats this down there" She then puts her arm on me and leans on me.. albeit fairly drunkenly. this lady is in her sixties at least with some old silver fox standing off to the side watching his lady lean on the fat guy. I don't know how to really react to this, one as she is obviously drunk. Two is don't want to push this lady off, she looks like she could be made of paper mache..Crazy old bat.
My response was like what are you doing?

Thankfully my friends, also equally shocked by this lady's reaction, helped to diffuse the situation by cutting some jokes and distracting her. When she starts interacting with them I moved away. Needless to say this ENTIRELY killed our socal mood and we all left. But I am stuck with the question, Why does this stuff keep happening to me? Why is it the only woman who even remotely shows me any interest is a fucking 100 years old, When lord.. When's it my time. I go from being felt up by a younger guy in a wal mart bathroom to being felt up by an old lady in a barroom parking lot. Is that REALLY a step in the right direction? Why can't it be a young, nubile nymphomaniac with self-esteem issues?

I've heard of a cougar... but I thought saber-tooth tigers were extinct.

End of Line.

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