I have been prompted to post this story after relating it to my good friend Jason, who laughed very much and said that it HAD to be posted.. for posterity of course.
This is about a dream I had two nights ago. I should point out that I am a very deep sleeper and very rarely remember any dreams I have had. I just don't remember or have them with any regularity, so anything I do remember is unusual.
I dreamed that I was at an awards show, sort of like a less casual Oscars, sitting next to Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. Harrison Ford is talking to me about a movie we made 15 years ago where I played his son and that after seeing my most recent movie he totally needed to work with me again. At this point whoever was hosting the awards show announces that appearing in each row of the ceremony would be old actors and actresses who were no longer famous. Mostly child stars. In my row I get the actress who played the robot Vicky on the old Fox sitcom Small Wonder.
*Side note- Small Wonder, for those of you out of the know was a sitcom where a regular family man created an android daughter who spoke in a weird robot voice and wore the same red dress and white apron for every episode. It was basically a robotic rip off of the show Alf. Lord.. I hope I don't have to explain that show to explain my explanation. This sitcom was on for 4 YEARS. That's milking a premise eh?
Okay, but the kicker is that Vicky is all grown up now, and really slutty. The only part I remember is she was wearing a tiny shirt with the words Small Wonder over each of her breasts. I remember her winking at me and giving me the key to her hotel room. At this point Harrison Ford says to me , " She wants you man."
So I dream jump to a scene where me and Harrison Ford are trying to catch the elevator door before it closes with the grown up girl from Small Wonder inside. We are to slow and have to get another elevator. But as much as I ride the elevator I can't get to the right floor. With Harrison Ford the whole time egging me on to get to her room. This is the point where I wake up.
Now this dream is fucking crazy on so many levels I don't now where to begin. First off, who has a fantasy about the chick from Small Wonder? I guess I SHOULD take solace in the fact that she was at least grown up. That's all kinds of twisted otherwise. That show has been off the air for close to 20 years! Also, at what point did Han Fucking Solo turn into a horn dog? Let's not even fathom about what riding in an elevator with Harrison Ford means. And how come I can't even seal the deal in my sub-conscience? When Lord is it my turn? I swear to you right now that if I have a dream where I have to chase down the Manimal before moving in with My Two Dads I'll just kill myself. It's better for everyone at that point.
End of Line.