Happy 2009 everyone!
Okay so it seems the New Year didn't start out quite like I planned, at least with the blog. I have been in a real creative funk this past week or so and have absolutely hit rock bottom in terms of having a creative output. I haven't wanted to work on poetry or flash fiction, just nothing. I have very much felt just creatively empty.
I am very much resolved to change that this week. At my core I still really want to write, and to be a writer. It times like this when you are so broken that you have to scrape yourself together and find your light. I have spent the last 5 days or so really thinking about the blog and what I want to do. Invariably I come to the same conclusion. I want to be a writer. Even if its for just one person, I want to know for myself that what I do matters. I think its hard to keep yourself motivated when you start to feel like what you create doesn't really matter.
A real artist is going to dig deep and continue creating despite what anyone else says. I surely don't think of myself as an artist, but I can find solace in that sentiment at least. Writing is for me a very solitary experience and sometimes I feel that is why I find myself feeling alone. Ever since I started this blog, I have found this to be a good place to express those feelings. This time of year is usually when I start to find myself at my most melancholy. New Years to about Valentine's Day. It when I start to feel a little bit (or a lot bit) sorry for myself and I think that is really the case this year more so than in years past. In looking at myself, I didn't like what I saw. The same guy in the same position as he has been in before. Feeling like I can't talk about what is bothering me because I don't know how to express it.
This sense of apathy really spilled into my desire to write. Today is the day I take a step against those feelings. I am resolving to continue to build on what I have worked on for the past 2 years and stay focused. Over the next few days I will be working on multiple blog dumps through the weekend to get on track with at least five or 6 posts by Sunday, including continuing The Darkest Dawn.
I appreciate the opportunity to write. I love writing. It's loving myself enough to stay strong to what I want to do that needs the effort.
End of Line.