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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Movie Review: Top 5 Worst Films of 2008

Hey all,

January for me is a month about reflecting on some of the movies we have watched over the past year. As a layman movie watcher I don't get to see the broad range of films that most reviewers are given access to, so my list is strictly limited top the films I managed to see this year on DVD and in the theatre. FOr the first of my Top Lists this month, I thought we would look at the Worst films that I caught this year.

Now remember that this list isn't reflective of such fare as Fool's Gold with Kate Hudson or Drillbit Taylor because I wisely chose not to see those movies. This is simply based on my perspective.

5- The Spirit

Maybe I wanted to much, but this film was maybe the second most disappointing on my list. I had a decent level of expectation and hoped for something resembling a fun or daring picture. The lead actor was wooden, and Sam Jackson was cartoonish to the point of absurdity. All in all it was an exercise in one man's ego. I'll pass thanks.

4- The Love Guru

I often don't run a DVD review of a film because it is so far after the initial release, most movie goers know what to expect. I make the rare exceptions for films that I really like. The Love Guru is the opposite case. A truly terrible comedy I didn't even watch all the way through. Dwarf jokes and bad bits with defecating elephants that seemed played out years ago. Mike Myers just isn't as funny as everyone thought he was. Please don't watch this.

3- Speed Racer

A bombastic, spastic kaleidoscope of sugar and color. It was like a hyperactive kid threw up crayons and animated it to the point where the film wasn't even real, just a cartoon take on an old cartoon that lost its relevance before the target demographic was even born. From acting to directing to story, this film missed on all cylinders. Another film that I didn't even finish watching on DVD because it was that bad.

2- Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

By far and way the most disappointing film of 2008. There was no movie I had higher hopes for this year, and next maybe to the Star Wars prequels no movie I ever wanted more to be better than it ended up being. This was a film that took all the things we loved about Indy and flushed them down the drain. The only worthwhile contribution was making me believe that a 60 plus year old man could win a fist fight. The down side, just about everything else, from Indy's annoying progeny to George Lucas need to make every fucking this he does kid friendly. I never want to see Shia Lebouf swing like Tarzan through the jungle or have Indy fight fucking aliens. He should be grounded in theology and history, not fighting the future.

This film is narrowly number two, only beating the one spot by the narrowest of margins.

1- The Happening

This, for me, was the worst movie I saw through the entire year. The only time I ever felt like getting up and leaving during a movie was in this film. Long, boring, and about as subtle as a hammer to the groin, M. Night Shaymalan really bottomed out on a career that once seemed full of viable and fun new movies. Mark Walhberg is unconvincing as a high school science teacher charged with saving his family from angry trees and grass and shit. Zooey Deschanel is almost completely unsympathetic in her role as a wife, and honestly the message that we need to be kinder to the Earth could have at least been told in a way that didn't make it seem like every person was an idiot and there were no redeemable qualities in mankind. It was another case of a director/writer losing his scope and vision because he was caught up in the supposed clamor of his own influence. There wasn't even a twist, just hey, these trees are gonna kill us. Just really lame and awful.

Well there you go, my 5 Worst, most disappointing films of 2008. As we progress through the month I will pick the top 5 films I saw, as well as a preview of 10 upcoming films in 2009 that I am really excited about. Thanks for reading and enjoying movies as much as me!

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