The past few days have been fairly crazy. Friday I was stuck at work and my brother and his wife went into labor! It was very cool. They had a very healthy baby boy and I spent the better part of Saturday hanging out with them. I got to hold the baby and see my brother really come into his own.
My relationship with my brother was always a very close one, and seeing him really accept the role of fatherhood in his life is great. He has really taken to his wife's daughter and she looks to him like a father, which he is. He is going to be great as a father to his son.
I am really proud of him. Its strange to think of him as so much more the family man than me. I knew my role in the family is that of a peacemaker, my brother and mother have a very volatile relationship and I am the bridge in the family. I now see my brother becoming the go to guy of the family, accepting the roles and responsibilities as an adult. Making at least an effort to come to terms with Mom and really becoming the adult that we all knew was there, but never surfaced.
I know both my parents are proud of what he has done in his life. I am proud to be an uncle and to have a measure of worth in his family. What I wonder is if there is a measure of worth in my own life. Have I done anything to be proud of? What measures a successful life? I don't have any good answers, I only know that my younger brother is now his own man. That may make me just a boy and I don't know how to feel about that. My identity in the family for so long was that of the responsible one, the dependable one. The rock for which things could be built upon. I think my brother has usurped this role. If he has where does that leave me? Maybe lost, maybe alone, in the end I have only myself to answer to. Though I don't think I am gong to like the answers.
End of Line.