Hey all!
Thought I would update the second part of my vacation today, The San Diego Comic Con. This was my 14th comic con, I've been attending since 1993, only missing one since then.
I love the comic con, its really one of the few times in the year were you can totally immerse yourself in so many aspects of different things that you like. Comics are just a part of it, new movies, video games, art displays, meeting celebrities, interacting with other convention goers, discovering cool toys or books you didn't know about before. There are just so many things going on its very easy to fill up four days of floor time.
Thursday was a short day for me, as I flew in to SD in the afternoon, after getting zero sleep the night before in Vegas and still a little drunk, working the floor that day was a very draining experience. Still, the highlight of my entire trip, Vegas and the con, was getting to see Tara McPherson again.
The tattoo I got was of one of her pieces, and her reaction to seeing it and the positive feelings I got was totally overwhelming. She was super excited to see it and was really impressed with how it looked, and even by the fact that I'd chosen to get her work tattooed. Coupled with the fact that I went so big with it and it was my first, I think she was appreciative. I know it made my trip. She asked me to email her a picture, and I need to get on that soon. She signed her art book and even did a really cool sketch in it, which was totally unexpected.
She is a big influence on my writing and helped me to identify my subject matter in my poetry. Looking at her art really inspires me, and whenever I get stuck on something, I pull out her book, Lonely Hearts: The Art of Tara McPherson, to get back on track.
The rest of the con was a lot of fun too! I got to meet Warren Ellis, a great writer who just published a really good, albeit really bizarre book called Crooked Little Vein. I finished it in about a day. I also got to meet James Jean, another really good artist and pick up some cool prints from him. He also did a little drawing in his art book, Process Recess, which was cool.
Friday night we all hit the Eisner's awards. Sort of the Oscars for comics. That had to be the longest ceremony ever running well over 4 hours long. Jason and myself have hit the Eisner's before, but as this was Autumn's first time, I am afraid she may not have enjoyed it. It really ran far too long and wasn't the best year for nominations. Beside my comic shop, Atomic Comics, was up for the Eisner of best retailer and lost. I think out of 20 catagories, I only predicted 3 wrong winners.. apparently I know my useless comic crap eh?
Saturday was defiantly highlighted by the bizarreness of the annual Masquerade, 51 contestants who compete in a costume contest. This one always provides some good laughs, as apparently its okay for me to throw stones as these geeks from my glass house. Just the sheer ridiculousness of the costumes and the overacting of the contestants is always a ripe bit of fun, especially after a few pitchers of beer! My only complaint was the hour long fucking play they put on to give the judges a chance to deliberate. It was a play put on by a Kung Fu society about pirates fighting ninjas. It was long, it was bad and it was poorly scripted. It literally ran for an hour. God it was awful. Cheesy choreographed fight scenes, sort of a Wushu version of a Lloyd Kaufman or Ed Wood movie. Terrible. Have I mentioned how long it was? Seriously, it was long.
Sunday was for the last minute stuff, you know, the stuff you don't need but end up buying as you haven't spent all of your money yet. We cut out a little early to get a jump on the ride home.
I didn't have any buyer's remorse over anything, I usually do on the way home but not this year. The worst year was 2005 when I paid $300 for a custom made lightsaber. Its totally awesome... but I paid $300 fucking dollars for it! My big purchases this year were a Gentle Giant mini bust of a Clone Trooper from Star Wars. I paid $50 for it and I have already seen it resaling for $200. It was only available at con so I am cool with that. I bought a few books, Warren Ellis new novel, a Phil Noto Art book, and I plugged about $25 worth of good reads out of the dollar and $2 bins, getting almost complete runs of the Vertigo series Moonshadow, White Tiger and a Dr. Strange mini that were all worth it. I also bought David Mack's new children's book The Shy Creatures.
Next to Tara McPherson, David Mack is a huge influence, at least tonelally with his work. He is such a great writer and artist her images really are beautiful. I have been following his stuff for years and support everything he creates, even a children's book. Hey.. maybe one day I'll need it.
Perhaps the nerdiest thing I did was to make arrangements to get a Jayne hat. For those of you out of the know, Jayne is a character on the great show Firefly, and in one episode her mother sends him a knitted hat which he proudly wears. It's terrible and nerdy.. and I had to have one. It was the same feeling I gt when I paid for that lightsaber.. I knew as soon as I saw it that I would own one. +1 nerd point to me.
The meals on this trip were great too. We typically have a few place we hit every year. Hooters, as the San Diego Hooters is chock full of good looking ladies and is a great primer for getting toasted and hitting the Masquerade. We also hit a place called the Strip Club, which lets you cook your own steaks, and boy are they good steaks. Jason probably eats the rarest steak I ave ever seen, I swear to you it still moo's a little when he cuts it. We also hit a pub called the Elephant and Castle, a place that serve authentic English food, and every year I get the bangers and mash. Sausages with mash potatoes, baked beans and a apple chutney. We changed it up a little and hit Anthony's Fish Grotto this year on Sunday. I like seafood, and so does Autumn, but Jason doesn't so most years we skip out on the seafood. This year Autumn wanted some so we got to override him. Anthony's is one of San Diego's most popular fish eateries and it was no wonder why. I had a wonderful Tuscan stuffed swordfish, which was a fist time experience for me. for dessert I had spumagio, a weird sort of Italian flavored ice cream, green with cherries in it. It was great! Something I definitely want more of.
What was without a doubt the most important thing to happen at con didn't happen to me, but to my best friend Jason. He made some serious headway into gaining some actual published work. Viper comics and Penny-Farthing Press seem to be really interested in publishing him, and there is a possibility that his friend Matt may line up some work for them at Dark Horse. Jason is a talented creative person, and his dedication to his craft are are real inspiration to me. Him getting published would mean just as much to me as to him.. well maybe him a bit more as he is the creative force. I have known he was great since 8th grade. Seeing him improve and polish and continue to push himself and really dedicate the time to his craft, his work, his girlfriend, and his friends is really awesome. I don't know how he does it. I am honored to say that maybe I had a little hand in helping him along the way. He is a much better friend that I deserve. I have a really good feeling that this is his year.
Anyway, that about sums up the vacation. I hope to post my next poem tomorrow after work. I have to work 1 day before I can finish out my vacation. Thanks for reading.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
A Company of One
Hey all.
Here is the first poem I wrote on my vacation. I wrote this on some scrap paper that I had in my pocket. I was alone, in the gardens in front of Ceasar's Palace in Las Vegas late on Tuesday night, just as it was raining. I sat under an overhang in the garden and wrote this. I am directly transcribing the poem from the paper without any modifications, other than the notes I made on the paper itself to keep the moment alive as it were. I took the title from another line in a previous poem which seemed to carry a special resonance in the moment I was writing. Hope you don't think it a cheap tactic. I can already see places where I could make it better, but that wasn't what I wrote at the time and would be cheating, at least to me. Hope you enjoy.
A Company of One
In a sea of white,
I don the black.
When everyone joins the herd,
I stray from the pack.
A company of one,
One more moment found undone.
When all my friends gather,
I hold myself back.
While the world reads Stephen King,
I relate to Kerouac.
A company of one,
This solitary race left to run.
As you follow the path,
I avoid the beaten track.
For when you fufill your dreams,
I'm just another selfless hack.
A company of one,
My emptiness long since begun.
A relationship hold possibilities,
Yet I have not skill or tack.
To avoid all opportunity,
Can yield no target to attack.
A company of one,
A battle fought that can't be won.
While you fill your life with love,
I hold this empty sack.
Every time you kiss your lover,
I'm reminded of what I lack.
A company of one,
All that matters now outdone.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Here is the first poem I wrote on my vacation. I wrote this on some scrap paper that I had in my pocket. I was alone, in the gardens in front of Ceasar's Palace in Las Vegas late on Tuesday night, just as it was raining. I sat under an overhang in the garden and wrote this. I am directly transcribing the poem from the paper without any modifications, other than the notes I made on the paper itself to keep the moment alive as it were. I took the title from another line in a previous poem which seemed to carry a special resonance in the moment I was writing. Hope you don't think it a cheap tactic. I can already see places where I could make it better, but that wasn't what I wrote at the time and would be cheating, at least to me. Hope you enjoy.
A Company of One
In a sea of white,
I don the black.
When everyone joins the herd,
I stray from the pack.
A company of one,
One more moment found undone.
When all my friends gather,
I hold myself back.
While the world reads Stephen King,
I relate to Kerouac.
A company of one,
This solitary race left to run.
As you follow the path,
I avoid the beaten track.
For when you fufill your dreams,
I'm just another selfless hack.
A company of one,
My emptiness long since begun.
A relationship hold possibilities,
Yet I have not skill or tack.
To avoid all opportunity,
Can yield no target to attack.
A company of one,
A battle fought that can't be won.
While you fill your life with love,
I hold this empty sack.
Every time you kiss your lover,
I'm reminded of what I lack.
A company of one,
All that matters now outdone.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Vacation Part 1
Hey all!
Finally back from my vacation and I thought since so much was going on I would split the updates into two columns. The first column will deal with my time in Las Vegas, tomorrow the Comic Con. I also wrote 3 poems on my vacation that I will update over the course of the week.
Las Vegas was not as much fun as I wish it was. Vegas is about getting wild and partying all the time, and that's not really an option when you are there for work. I have never really considered myself a loner or solitary person by nature, but I found myself mostly on my own in Vegas. All the managers sort of fell into cliques, which I guess I am not really part of. There is one manager, Ramon who I would consider a good friend, but the rest are really just acquaintances. I don't really hang out with work people all that much, I mean the last thing I want to do most of the time after I get off work is sit around and talk about more work with people that I have to see all the time. It doesn't feel like my own time then.
Anyway I ate a lot of solitary meals Monday and Tuesday. I did try something new to eat, something I like to do when the opportunity presents itself. I ate Veal Sweetbreads, which is the thymus gland of a baby cow. Sounds gross... but tasted good. My boss thought it was pretty gross, but that made me like it more.
The convention stuff was pretty tame, I didn't take a whole lot away from the booths that I didn't know, but I did get a few ideas on tome things I will use to build some sales.. I am gonna try to do a reading hour at the store. Should be good for the community and good for the kids and hopefully build some sales. The learning events were at least more interesting this time, we did one where we got to build welcome baskets for struggling families who are living in the Ronald McDonald house. Any you look at it it beats going to real work.
Tuesday I got so pissed at the rest of the team that I told them all to fuck off and quit calling me. We were supposed to meet at a bar across the street from Ballys. I was staying at the Paris and those bastards had me crossing the strip like 3 times, and its raining and I am getting pissed off and finally I told them off. I find out the next day they were next door to Ballys in a little shitbox casino bar down a side street. None of which was ever told to me.
Wednesday was better. After the convention closed and we ate dinner as a division, we went to closing services. They had a few bands, one was made up off members of Santanna and Journey and they did Santanna's big hits, I think they were the Greg Rolie Band. After that the main act for closing ceremonies were Earth, Wind, and Fire. This would have been great if I was like 45 or 50 i guess, but I didn't really get into it.
After the session a bunch of the supervisors and store managers got together in one of the Paris bars and proceeded to get drunk. We started at 11:00pm, and I didn't stop drinking until 8:30 am. Rusty Nails, my drink of choice (scotch and Drambuie)and various shots led to us getting pretty trashed. Everyone starting cashing in about 5:00am, except for the director of Phoenix, Chris (whom has been making our life a bit of hell and is a big reason I am looking for work), Sherry, and operations expert, Roxanne, a fellow restaurant manager, and myself. I don't have the clearest recollection but I do remember dancing with them and the girls exchanging lesbian encounter tales, and Chris and myself talking music and movies and generally getting along. We capped it off with beer and crepes at 8:30 for breakfast and then I showered and changed, packed my bags and hit the airport for my 11:00am flight to the Con. I didn't sleep for like 48 hours straight As I conned all day Thursday after the flight!
I'll update more soon!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Finally back from my vacation and I thought since so much was going on I would split the updates into two columns. The first column will deal with my time in Las Vegas, tomorrow the Comic Con. I also wrote 3 poems on my vacation that I will update over the course of the week.
Las Vegas was not as much fun as I wish it was. Vegas is about getting wild and partying all the time, and that's not really an option when you are there for work. I have never really considered myself a loner or solitary person by nature, but I found myself mostly on my own in Vegas. All the managers sort of fell into cliques, which I guess I am not really part of. There is one manager, Ramon who I would consider a good friend, but the rest are really just acquaintances. I don't really hang out with work people all that much, I mean the last thing I want to do most of the time after I get off work is sit around and talk about more work with people that I have to see all the time. It doesn't feel like my own time then.
Anyway I ate a lot of solitary meals Monday and Tuesday. I did try something new to eat, something I like to do when the opportunity presents itself. I ate Veal Sweetbreads, which is the thymus gland of a baby cow. Sounds gross... but tasted good. My boss thought it was pretty gross, but that made me like it more.
The convention stuff was pretty tame, I didn't take a whole lot away from the booths that I didn't know, but I did get a few ideas on tome things I will use to build some sales.. I am gonna try to do a reading hour at the store. Should be good for the community and good for the kids and hopefully build some sales. The learning events were at least more interesting this time, we did one where we got to build welcome baskets for struggling families who are living in the Ronald McDonald house. Any you look at it it beats going to real work.
Tuesday I got so pissed at the rest of the team that I told them all to fuck off and quit calling me. We were supposed to meet at a bar across the street from Ballys. I was staying at the Paris and those bastards had me crossing the strip like 3 times, and its raining and I am getting pissed off and finally I told them off. I find out the next day they were next door to Ballys in a little shitbox casino bar down a side street. None of which was ever told to me.
Wednesday was better. After the convention closed and we ate dinner as a division, we went to closing services. They had a few bands, one was made up off members of Santanna and Journey and they did Santanna's big hits, I think they were the Greg Rolie Band. After that the main act for closing ceremonies were Earth, Wind, and Fire. This would have been great if I was like 45 or 50 i guess, but I didn't really get into it.
After the session a bunch of the supervisors and store managers got together in one of the Paris bars and proceeded to get drunk. We started at 11:00pm, and I didn't stop drinking until 8:30 am. Rusty Nails, my drink of choice (scotch and Drambuie)and various shots led to us getting pretty trashed. Everyone starting cashing in about 5:00am, except for the director of Phoenix, Chris (whom has been making our life a bit of hell and is a big reason I am looking for work), Sherry, and operations expert, Roxanne, a fellow restaurant manager, and myself. I don't have the clearest recollection but I do remember dancing with them and the girls exchanging lesbian encounter tales, and Chris and myself talking music and movies and generally getting along. We capped it off with beer and crepes at 8:30 for breakfast and then I showered and changed, packed my bags and hit the airport for my 11:00am flight to the Con. I didn't sleep for like 48 hours straight As I conned all day Thursday after the flight!
I'll update more soon!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I Feel So Far Away
Hey all!
I don't know if this poem is a success or not. I really wanted to do something different and have a returning verse in a poem, sort of a chorus or something. I tend to think that this wasn't my best attempt. I took 2 long cracks at this before I finished it. This isn't my favorite, but I gotta post the good and the less than good, though maybe someone will like it. Eh either way enjoy.
I Feel So far Away
Forgotten once again,
Nothing ever stays the same.
Yet here I am now,
No more lives left on the game.
All by myself left here to play.
While I feel so far away.
So many years have come and gone.
Everything seems to have changed.
Time may move on,
But I'll be left estranged.
It doesn't matter anyway,
Cause I feel so far away.
A lonely path I walk,
Surrounded on all sides,
No one seems to care.
They wash out with the tides.
A sea of people that never stay,
But I feel so far away.
Tired of the same old grind,
And I know all these familiar places.
Everyone is so far lost.
I can't remember all their faces.
Left alone with my dismay,
Now I feel so far away.
Now i find myself again,
In this company of one.
Remember better times,
For I'm on a journey long begun.
All affection did I betray.
Still I feel so far away.
Isolated by design,
The only thing left is all the pain.
I can't keep it all inside,
And yet here I remain.
All that's left is this cliche.
And I feel so far away.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
I don't know if this poem is a success or not. I really wanted to do something different and have a returning verse in a poem, sort of a chorus or something. I tend to think that this wasn't my best attempt. I took 2 long cracks at this before I finished it. This isn't my favorite, but I gotta post the good and the less than good, though maybe someone will like it. Eh either way enjoy.
I Feel So far Away
Forgotten once again,
Nothing ever stays the same.
Yet here I am now,
No more lives left on the game.
All by myself left here to play.
While I feel so far away.
So many years have come and gone.
Everything seems to have changed.
Time may move on,
But I'll be left estranged.
It doesn't matter anyway,
Cause I feel so far away.
A lonely path I walk,
Surrounded on all sides,
No one seems to care.
They wash out with the tides.
A sea of people that never stay,
But I feel so far away.
Tired of the same old grind,
And I know all these familiar places.
Everyone is so far lost.
I can't remember all their faces.
Left alone with my dismay,
Now I feel so far away.
Now i find myself again,
In this company of one.
Remember better times,
For I'm on a journey long begun.
All affection did I betray.
Still I feel so far away.
Isolated by design,
The only thing left is all the pain.
I can't keep it all inside,
And yet here I remain.
All that's left is this cliche.
And I feel so far away.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
This is SPINAL TAP!
Hey all.
Just a quick update today. One of my favorite movies is This is Spinal Tap, which if you haven't seen is a must. A great send up of 80's rock excess and really one of the first mockumentry style films. What makes the movie so good is that the three main characters, David St. Hubbins, played my Michael McKean, Nigel Tufnel, played by Christopher Guest, and Derek Smalls, played by Harry Shearer, really play thier own instruments and sing thier own songs. The kicker is that the songs, as a parody on 80's rock excess, are actually really good and catchy, Like Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight, or Big Bottom.
Anyway Spinal Tap has kind of taken on a cult status since the 1984 film and they reunited for Live Earth this past week. I caught the performance on MSN and I really wish i could have gone to England to see them perform. They did Stonehenge, their mock rock opera, A new song called Warm as Hell, which wasn't bad, and Big Bottom. Big Bottom, which all three characters play bass guitar on was great! Funny too, as they had all the bassists playing the UK Live Earth come out and play bass on the song, like 15 guys playing bass. Members of Foo Fighters, Metallica, James Blunt, Beastie Boys, Madonna's band's bassists/.. everyone!
It's really awesome that they reunited, and I gotta hope for a US show! I seriously would drive to wherever they were playing just to say I saw the Tap. Check out the MSN feed on Big Bottom and sample the album for the original movie. You won't be sorry!
You have to turn that performance to 11!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Just a quick update today. One of my favorite movies is This is Spinal Tap, which if you haven't seen is a must. A great send up of 80's rock excess and really one of the first mockumentry style films. What makes the movie so good is that the three main characters, David St. Hubbins, played my Michael McKean, Nigel Tufnel, played by Christopher Guest, and Derek Smalls, played by Harry Shearer, really play thier own instruments and sing thier own songs. The kicker is that the songs, as a parody on 80's rock excess, are actually really good and catchy, Like Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight, or Big Bottom.
Anyway Spinal Tap has kind of taken on a cult status since the 1984 film and they reunited for Live Earth this past week. I caught the performance on MSN and I really wish i could have gone to England to see them perform. They did Stonehenge, their mock rock opera, A new song called Warm as Hell, which wasn't bad, and Big Bottom. Big Bottom, which all three characters play bass guitar on was great! Funny too, as they had all the bassists playing the UK Live Earth come out and play bass on the song, like 15 guys playing bass. Members of Foo Fighters, Metallica, James Blunt, Beastie Boys, Madonna's band's bassists/.. everyone!
It's really awesome that they reunited, and I gotta hope for a US show! I seriously would drive to wherever they were playing just to say I saw the Tap. Check out the MSN feed on Big Bottom and sample the album for the original movie. You won't be sorry!
You have to turn that performance to 11!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Vacation Update
Hey all!
Not a whole lot to update on today, though I want to admit how excited I am getting for my vacation next week. First off, work is sending me to National Convention for 4 days in Las Vegas. This should be excellent as work is picking up my flight, hotel, and food bills for the 4 and a half days I am there.
McDonald's is putting me up in the Paris hotel, and supplying me with like a $100 spending money. We will spend Monday flying in and going to one meet and greet/ rally then have a free night. After that Tuesday and Wednesday have us attending different seminars and booths in order to help us learn new techniques in management and equipment. Tuesday night will be a free night by about 9pm so plenty of time to do stuff then. Wednesday night will see me at a beach cookout type thing until 11 or 12 at night so I don't think that I will be getting to crazy that night.
I am sure we will do some drinking and such, last time I went to convention I was partying with the regional director of the Rocky Mountain area( Vegas, Phoenix, Denver) until 5 am one night. Hell I only spent like $200 of my own cash last time work put me up. If you now the right people you can coast most of the trip without buying your own drinks.
I gotta be honest, my last Vegas trip with Bill was AWESOME, but I spent way to much money and partied WAY to hard. I am really going to be on guard for 2 reasons, one I am representing work and I don't want t be the bad apple, no matter how much I ate my job, and 2 I want to have plenty of cash left over for my vacation which starts immediately following Vegas.
After Vegas, I fly straight to San Diego for Comic -Con. I even got work to pay for my ticket to San Diego instead of me flying to back to Phoenix. I'll catch a ride home with Jason and Autumn so that will work out nicely. Comic Con is really gonna be HUGE this year and my inner nerd... well and my outer one can't wait. I defiantly will give you the full rundown on my return.
I will really try to get another poem up in the next few days, and count on a post or 2 before my week long departure.
Oh and a small bit of TV news.. If you get the G4 network which covers video games and pop culture stuff, they are running an excellent preview of Comic Con. Well not so much as excellent but pretty insightful. Man There are a bunch of nerds going to this con... oh wait.. I'm one of them.
Ahh well... let your flag fly free.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Not a whole lot to update on today, though I want to admit how excited I am getting for my vacation next week. First off, work is sending me to National Convention for 4 days in Las Vegas. This should be excellent as work is picking up my flight, hotel, and food bills for the 4 and a half days I am there.
McDonald's is putting me up in the Paris hotel, and supplying me with like a $100 spending money. We will spend Monday flying in and going to one meet and greet/ rally then have a free night. After that Tuesday and Wednesday have us attending different seminars and booths in order to help us learn new techniques in management and equipment. Tuesday night will be a free night by about 9pm so plenty of time to do stuff then. Wednesday night will see me at a beach cookout type thing until 11 or 12 at night so I don't think that I will be getting to crazy that night.
I am sure we will do some drinking and such, last time I went to convention I was partying with the regional director of the Rocky Mountain area( Vegas, Phoenix, Denver) until 5 am one night. Hell I only spent like $200 of my own cash last time work put me up. If you now the right people you can coast most of the trip without buying your own drinks.
I gotta be honest, my last Vegas trip with Bill was AWESOME, but I spent way to much money and partied WAY to hard. I am really going to be on guard for 2 reasons, one I am representing work and I don't want t be the bad apple, no matter how much I ate my job, and 2 I want to have plenty of cash left over for my vacation which starts immediately following Vegas.
After Vegas, I fly straight to San Diego for Comic -Con. I even got work to pay for my ticket to San Diego instead of me flying to back to Phoenix. I'll catch a ride home with Jason and Autumn so that will work out nicely. Comic Con is really gonna be HUGE this year and my inner nerd... well and my outer one can't wait. I defiantly will give you the full rundown on my return.
I will really try to get another poem up in the next few days, and count on a post or 2 before my week long departure.
Oh and a small bit of TV news.. If you get the G4 network which covers video games and pop culture stuff, they are running an excellent preview of Comic Con. Well not so much as excellent but pretty insightful. Man There are a bunch of nerds going to this con... oh wait.. I'm one of them.
Ahh well... let your flag fly free.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Friday, July 13, 2007
A Thousand Painful Stings
Hey all.
I wrote this poem drawing my inspiration from all those break up type moments you have in life. Though I am not the expert in such matters, I wanted to try to put some different levels into this poem, something i don't always like to do. Poetry should be subjective to the reader and they can draw what they will. I hope I conveyed some different undertones, I felt like I rambled a little on a verse or two, I didn't want it to get away from me. I wanted a good ending line, and my first shake at it wasn't what I liked.
I've said in the past that I like poems to be done in one sitting, two at the outside, more than that and I think you lose your original thought process on the poem and that whatever you were subjected too in between sittings can change your view. I want the poem to encapsulate what that moment in time was about. I don't know that any of my poems are any good, but I like writing them and its very liberating. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
A Thousand Painful Stings
It's happened once again,
Walked straight out the door.
Packed up all her bags,
I'm left here wanting more.
Called me vile names,
Said many hurtful things,
Though some did I deserve,
Like a thousand painful stings.
We argued so much more,
Not as happy as we use to be.
If only she'd come back,
I even miss the misery.
I made a few mistakes,
Should have tried so much more,
She always knew the truth.
A hard way to even the score.
I would trade most anything,
Just for one chance.
Anything she asked,
To rekindle lost romance.
I'll wait here by myself,
For as long as need be,
Hoping that the door will open,
And end this lonely agony.
I promise here to you,
That I can really change,
It's not like it was before,
Who I was is out of range.
No more broken promises,
And no more empty lies.
We can light the ash of passion.
Like a phoenix reborn to rise.
This isn't the first time,
But it feels like it's the last,
Waiting in the dark,
The end just came to fast.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
I wrote this poem drawing my inspiration from all those break up type moments you have in life. Though I am not the expert in such matters, I wanted to try to put some different levels into this poem, something i don't always like to do. Poetry should be subjective to the reader and they can draw what they will. I hope I conveyed some different undertones, I felt like I rambled a little on a verse or two, I didn't want it to get away from me. I wanted a good ending line, and my first shake at it wasn't what I liked.
I've said in the past that I like poems to be done in one sitting, two at the outside, more than that and I think you lose your original thought process on the poem and that whatever you were subjected too in between sittings can change your view. I want the poem to encapsulate what that moment in time was about. I don't know that any of my poems are any good, but I like writing them and its very liberating. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
A Thousand Painful Stings
It's happened once again,
Walked straight out the door.
Packed up all her bags,
I'm left here wanting more.
Called me vile names,
Said many hurtful things,
Though some did I deserve,
Like a thousand painful stings.
We argued so much more,
Not as happy as we use to be.
If only she'd come back,
I even miss the misery.
I made a few mistakes,
Should have tried so much more,
She always knew the truth.
A hard way to even the score.
I would trade most anything,
Just for one chance.
Anything she asked,
To rekindle lost romance.
I'll wait here by myself,
For as long as need be,
Hoping that the door will open,
And end this lonely agony.
I promise here to you,
That I can really change,
It's not like it was before,
Who I was is out of range.
No more broken promises,
And no more empty lies.
We can light the ash of passion.
Like a phoenix reborn to rise.
This isn't the first time,
But it feels like it's the last,
Waiting in the dark,
The end just came to fast.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Order of the Phoenix Review
Hey all!
Before I get to the Order of the Phoenix review, I just read that the four day pass for the San Diego Comic Con that I am hitting up this month is already... SOLD THE FUCK OUT!!! Comic Con has NEVER sold out in the close to 15 years that I have been attending and I am genuinely shocked at this happening. Not that people want to attend of course, its the biggest comic / pop-culture / genre movie in the country, but that so many people pre-registered! I have only pre-registered one or two times in the past and certainly not in this millennium, so the sheer fluke that Jason and myself thought to pre-register this year was certainly anything but superflurrious!! I am super excited to see all the cool swag and events going on, this truly will be the biggest San Diego Con of all time, surpassing the early 90's speculator boom that almost crushed comics as we know it.
There are still 1 day and 3 day (non Saturday) passes available, so its not a total loss to anyone still looking to attend, but a helluva lot of people are gonna get stuck buying 3 day and then a 1 day pass to hit everything when they try to buy at the door. I also know that Saturday will be a very GOOD day to cut short. It will be all elbows and assholes end to end in there. Gonna have to really hit James Jean on Friday.
Anyway, onto my review for the Order of the Phoenix. I should point out that this was my least favorite book of all 6 so far, and the one that I thought would make the best movie. There are a lot of scenes, that in the book really flesh out and develop characters, really don't advance the bulk of the plot. This movie really capitalizes on that and keeps the films pace fast enough to hit all the key points, but allows the moments from the book that you like to really flow out. My only minor complaint would be wishing that the had more scenes with Gary Oldman. The Siruis / Harry relationship isn't as polished as would have liked. Or maybe I just wish Gary Oldman had more screen time, one of my favorite actors as my favorite character in the series couldn't hurt. For me, the pacing was the one area that I though The Goblet of Fire got hurt the most one. As my second favorite book, I thought Goblet was the poorest of the films, moving to quickly and not finding the right moments or sub-plots to slow down on. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie a lot, just wasn't the best one.
Anyway, back to Order of the Phoenix. Casting in the Potter movies is always top notch, Alan Rickman, Ralph Finnes, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Gambon, Emma Thompson, the list goes on, each actor really brings to life the character they are playing. Alan Rickman especially makes these movies for me. He has that ability to make even the worst of people so generally entertaining... see his work in Die Hard for example. The three leads continue to show their range and I really hope that they continue to find work after the series concludes in 2010. I would also say that expansion on the older Weasly Twins was a welcome bit of comedy in what is probably the darkest Potter yet.
Special Effects are phenomenal as always, and I don't want to drop any spoilers, but the final fight scene is awesome!
I belive this movie has trumped Live Free or Die Hard as the best movie of the summer, and with little competition to comes against it I think that you can count on this being he best. Hell.. its already on its way to breaking box office records with a 40 plus million Wednesday haul.
I'll try to post another summer movie update when I catch The Simpsons, Captivity, Evan Almighty, and the Transformers when I catch them, along with the Bourne Ultimatum which looks t be the best of the lot remaining.
Looking for a topic for my next poem and hope to post soon. Thanks!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Before I get to the Order of the Phoenix review, I just read that the four day pass for the San Diego Comic Con that I am hitting up this month is already... SOLD THE FUCK OUT!!! Comic Con has NEVER sold out in the close to 15 years that I have been attending and I am genuinely shocked at this happening. Not that people want to attend of course, its the biggest comic / pop-culture / genre movie in the country, but that so many people pre-registered! I have only pre-registered one or two times in the past and certainly not in this millennium, so the sheer fluke that Jason and myself thought to pre-register this year was certainly anything but superflurrious!! I am super excited to see all the cool swag and events going on, this truly will be the biggest San Diego Con of all time, surpassing the early 90's speculator boom that almost crushed comics as we know it.
There are still 1 day and 3 day (non Saturday) passes available, so its not a total loss to anyone still looking to attend, but a helluva lot of people are gonna get stuck buying 3 day and then a 1 day pass to hit everything when they try to buy at the door. I also know that Saturday will be a very GOOD day to cut short. It will be all elbows and assholes end to end in there. Gonna have to really hit James Jean on Friday.
Anyway, onto my review for the Order of the Phoenix. I should point out that this was my least favorite book of all 6 so far, and the one that I thought would make the best movie. There are a lot of scenes, that in the book really flesh out and develop characters, really don't advance the bulk of the plot. This movie really capitalizes on that and keeps the films pace fast enough to hit all the key points, but allows the moments from the book that you like to really flow out. My only minor complaint would be wishing that the had more scenes with Gary Oldman. The Siruis / Harry relationship isn't as polished as would have liked. Or maybe I just wish Gary Oldman had more screen time, one of my favorite actors as my favorite character in the series couldn't hurt. For me, the pacing was the one area that I though The Goblet of Fire got hurt the most one. As my second favorite book, I thought Goblet was the poorest of the films, moving to quickly and not finding the right moments or sub-plots to slow down on. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie a lot, just wasn't the best one.
Anyway, back to Order of the Phoenix. Casting in the Potter movies is always top notch, Alan Rickman, Ralph Finnes, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Gambon, Emma Thompson, the list goes on, each actor really brings to life the character they are playing. Alan Rickman especially makes these movies for me. He has that ability to make even the worst of people so generally entertaining... see his work in Die Hard for example. The three leads continue to show their range and I really hope that they continue to find work after the series concludes in 2010. I would also say that expansion on the older Weasly Twins was a welcome bit of comedy in what is probably the darkest Potter yet.
Special Effects are phenomenal as always, and I don't want to drop any spoilers, but the final fight scene is awesome!
I belive this movie has trumped Live Free or Die Hard as the best movie of the summer, and with little competition to comes against it I think that you can count on this being he best. Hell.. its already on its way to breaking box office records with a 40 plus million Wednesday haul.
I'll try to post another summer movie update when I catch The Simpsons, Captivity, Evan Almighty, and the Transformers when I catch them, along with the Bourne Ultimatum which looks t be the best of the lot remaining.
Looking for a topic for my next poem and hope to post soon. Thanks!
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Everyday a Little More
Hey all!
I'm posting this from work, while I wait for specialist cleaners to get done with our chimney stacks. I have completed everything I both need to do and have the slightest desire to do, so I thought it was a great oppertunity for a post. Hell, I've already missed last call.
Here's a poem that basically comes out of my self reflection that I posted about in the last update. Hope you like.
Everyday a little more,
Desires rise to change the score.
But words die cold on the tongue,
A shameful silence since begun.
No volume breaks from my lips,
With burning intention at finger tips.
A proclamtion for all to hear,
Failed statement made to dissappear.
If only pen could be what voice cannot.
To hearken loud what heart's begot.
Lead or type, ink or brush,
Scripted words so full and lush.
A parchment judges not what's meant,
Nor suspicion raise at what verse intent.
It cannot hurt with words or tone,
It's contents you dictate alone.
To give those words life with voice,
To expose your own deep rejoice,
Can be such a thing of fear and dread,
For what if the answer is best left unsaid?
It's easy so to write these thought,
Harder now when eye to eye are brought.
Courage dim and self esteem defeat,
When face to face again we meet.
But change must happen, either ill or good.
To conquer my fears like a man should.
For to stay the same within in my heart,
Will tear the walls of this soul apart.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
I'm posting this from work, while I wait for specialist cleaners to get done with our chimney stacks. I have completed everything I both need to do and have the slightest desire to do, so I thought it was a great oppertunity for a post. Hell, I've already missed last call.
Here's a poem that basically comes out of my self reflection that I posted about in the last update. Hope you like.
Everyday a little more,
Desires rise to change the score.
But words die cold on the tongue,
A shameful silence since begun.
No volume breaks from my lips,
With burning intention at finger tips.
A proclamtion for all to hear,
Failed statement made to dissappear.
If only pen could be what voice cannot.
To hearken loud what heart's begot.
Lead or type, ink or brush,
Scripted words so full and lush.
A parchment judges not what's meant,
Nor suspicion raise at what verse intent.
It cannot hurt with words or tone,
It's contents you dictate alone.
To give those words life with voice,
To expose your own deep rejoice,
Can be such a thing of fear and dread,
For what if the answer is best left unsaid?
It's easy so to write these thought,
Harder now when eye to eye are brought.
Courage dim and self esteem defeat,
When face to face again we meet.
But change must happen, either ill or good.
To conquer my fears like a man should.
For to stay the same within in my heart,
Will tear the walls of this soul apart.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Introspection
Hey all.
Went out with my friends Jason and Stefanie to Old Chicago. Had a lot of fun, did some drinks, coupled with the fun to be had from shots, which I will elaborate more on in a minute, got some dinner, and had some good conversation. I even busted out my karaoke skills on a little Dynamite Hack, Boyz in the Hood style.
We ordered a round of shots, starting with Irish car bombs, Stefanie couldn't even drink hers and Jason pretty much didn't care for it either. Next up was a blowjob. The point of a blowjob was to not use your hands when you drink it, and let me point out that this was hours of hilarity on end here. Stef couldn't get her whole mouth around the shot glass, Jason choked on his first attempt and spitted it out all over the place. I had to cheat a bit to get the glass positioned the first time but by the second round I did it no problem. Jason even managed to get him all down the second time, with a little help from his hands. it was fun!
We also had a lot of fun rating the level of smugness at the table. Its well documented that Jason likes the the better things in life, Steve Madden shoes, Ben Sherman wallet, anything San Francisco.. ect.. It was fun to tease a bit. Stef got caught on a few things, but either proudly or sadly my geekness overpowered any smug attempts sent my way. The fact that I ordered a Harry Potter book from England to get the Philosophers Stone title is NOT smug... just really sad.
Anyway, the point of this post was where the conversation turned to after the fun. Mainly me.
I really want to change how I am around women. I understand that I have some self esteem issues among other things. But I feel so uncomfortable talking about them to people. Any people. Typing words and saying them are different. When I am writing I don't have to see the reaction, I don't have to know what you felt about what was said unless you decide to say something. When I am talking to someone, regardless, I have a hard time letting down the shell. Its been such a practice to make a joke or cut myself to quick to diffuse an awkward or tense moment that I am afraid of what might happen if I don't.
Jason asked me what I would say to a girl that showed interest in me. I honestly had to say I don't know. He asked me what was the part of the body that I was attracted to the most. I didn't know. It's such an improbability in my mind that someone could like me for who I am that I don't usually let myself think about it. That's probably why I started writing poems, at least writing them I can articulate what I feel with what I want to say, even when I don't have the courage to say it. I want so much to change, I want to meet someone and not feel like a cripple, I just can't seem to get past the hump.
I've spent the last few hours dwelling on the things that were said, and I still don't think I have the answers I want. I did come to one conclusion though, I told Jason that the legs were the most attractive part of a woman for me, but I don't think that's right. I think its the face, not just physical beauty, but the whole face. The way an eye can frame the face, the curve of a cheek, the way their hair falls, her smile. A smile can say a lot without needing words.
I have to find a way to accept myself so I can lower my guard. Just open the door and take that first step. But it's the first step that's the hardest. Because I know one thing for absolute certain...
I spent an awesome evening with a great person, and I can't even bring myself to ask her the one thing I want to.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Went out with my friends Jason and Stefanie to Old Chicago. Had a lot of fun, did some drinks, coupled with the fun to be had from shots, which I will elaborate more on in a minute, got some dinner, and had some good conversation. I even busted out my karaoke skills on a little Dynamite Hack, Boyz in the Hood style.
We ordered a round of shots, starting with Irish car bombs, Stefanie couldn't even drink hers and Jason pretty much didn't care for it either. Next up was a blowjob. The point of a blowjob was to not use your hands when you drink it, and let me point out that this was hours of hilarity on end here. Stef couldn't get her whole mouth around the shot glass, Jason choked on his first attempt and spitted it out all over the place. I had to cheat a bit to get the glass positioned the first time but by the second round I did it no problem. Jason even managed to get him all down the second time, with a little help from his hands. it was fun!
We also had a lot of fun rating the level of smugness at the table. Its well documented that Jason likes the the better things in life, Steve Madden shoes, Ben Sherman wallet, anything San Francisco.. ect.. It was fun to tease a bit. Stef got caught on a few things, but either proudly or sadly my geekness overpowered any smug attempts sent my way. The fact that I ordered a Harry Potter book from England to get the Philosophers Stone title is NOT smug... just really sad.
Anyway, the point of this post was where the conversation turned to after the fun. Mainly me.
I really want to change how I am around women. I understand that I have some self esteem issues among other things. But I feel so uncomfortable talking about them to people. Any people. Typing words and saying them are different. When I am writing I don't have to see the reaction, I don't have to know what you felt about what was said unless you decide to say something. When I am talking to someone, regardless, I have a hard time letting down the shell. Its been such a practice to make a joke or cut myself to quick to diffuse an awkward or tense moment that I am afraid of what might happen if I don't.
Jason asked me what I would say to a girl that showed interest in me. I honestly had to say I don't know. He asked me what was the part of the body that I was attracted to the most. I didn't know. It's such an improbability in my mind that someone could like me for who I am that I don't usually let myself think about it. That's probably why I started writing poems, at least writing them I can articulate what I feel with what I want to say, even when I don't have the courage to say it. I want so much to change, I want to meet someone and not feel like a cripple, I just can't seem to get past the hump.
I've spent the last few hours dwelling on the things that were said, and I still don't think I have the answers I want. I did come to one conclusion though, I told Jason that the legs were the most attractive part of a woman for me, but I don't think that's right. I think its the face, not just physical beauty, but the whole face. The way an eye can frame the face, the curve of a cheek, the way their hair falls, her smile. A smile can say a lot without needing words.
I have to find a way to accept myself so I can lower my guard. Just open the door and take that first step. But it's the first step that's the hardest. Because I know one thing for absolute certain...
I spent an awesome evening with a great person, and I can't even bring myself to ask her the one thing I want to.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Beneath My Own Stained Moon
Happy June Folks...
Sorry for the gap in posting, another long week at work and I haven't been home all that much. Thought I would treat you to another poem. This one turned out really dark.. Umm really dark. I am not sure what really inspired it.. it started out a lot different than how it actually came out. Originally it was supposed to be just another sort of heartbreak poem... but I guess it changed. But that's okay.. it does that sometimes.
Beneath My Own Stained Moon
I've been sitting here,
Waiting for the quiet to end.
An impossible task,
There's no use to pretend.
I watch and stare at myself,
Trying to find the man I used to be.
Instead of the burned out reflection,
Looking back at me.
Tomorrow comes a day too late,
Yesterday came a day too soon.
I'm trapped once again,
Beneath my own stained moon.
Caged within in a prison,
Of no bars or band.
A glass walled cage,
Held within my hand.
Trapped by this demon,
Who won't let me free.
Thrust the Angel of my God,
To fly so far away from me.
Drowning myself,
One lonely cup at a time.
Dwelling on chances missed.
Of my own self-wrought crime.
The curtains have pulled shut,
From a life once full.
Now held in a shallow grave,
Of empty promise and ritual.
Blind away the pain,
Telling myself more hateful lies.
To bury the truth in the dark,
And gouge out these fucking eyes.
Withered so far into the numb,
This heart so made of black.
Tear it from my chest,
Never too look back.
Drink deep one last time,
And cut a smile on my sleeve.
A fitting end,
To leave away what I believe.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
Sorry for the gap in posting, another long week at work and I haven't been home all that much. Thought I would treat you to another poem. This one turned out really dark.. Umm really dark. I am not sure what really inspired it.. it started out a lot different than how it actually came out. Originally it was supposed to be just another sort of heartbreak poem... but I guess it changed. But that's okay.. it does that sometimes.
Beneath My Own Stained Moon
I've been sitting here,
Waiting for the quiet to end.
An impossible task,
There's no use to pretend.
I watch and stare at myself,
Trying to find the man I used to be.
Instead of the burned out reflection,
Looking back at me.
Tomorrow comes a day too late,
Yesterday came a day too soon.
I'm trapped once again,
Beneath my own stained moon.
Caged within in a prison,
Of no bars or band.
A glass walled cage,
Held within my hand.
Trapped by this demon,
Who won't let me free.
Thrust the Angel of my God,
To fly so far away from me.
Drowning myself,
One lonely cup at a time.
Dwelling on chances missed.
Of my own self-wrought crime.
The curtains have pulled shut,
From a life once full.
Now held in a shallow grave,
Of empty promise and ritual.
Blind away the pain,
Telling myself more hateful lies.
To bury the truth in the dark,
And gouge out these fucking eyes.
Withered so far into the numb,
This heart so made of black.
Tear it from my chest,
Never too look back.
Drink deep one last time,
And cut a smile on my sleeve.
A fitting end,
To leave away what I believe.
End of Line.
Gerrad!
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