I can recall a few days when I have felt lonely. Really lonely. The day my mother called me after she left home, one time when I was all alone in a movie theatre parking lot. At a friends wedding. Facing another rejection. Looking afar at someone who I had feelings for and knowing it would never be me. There have been others. Today was one of those days.
I am here in Chicago and I just feel utterly isolated. My learning group is fractured, all already in existing groups of people outside the table. Usually I am okay by myself, but today I found myself walking down a long street heading to eat dinner by myself, and it felt empty. I am in a brand new city and it costs to much to taxi back and forth downtown on my own dollar, so I went to a movie by myself and ate a dinner alone. I just don't feel like I have anything in my life to share today.
This marks my 500th post on the site. I wrote this poem (though I modified it a bit today) before I left Phoenix. Thanks for reading.
Pensive thoughts to days gone by,
And all the good what came before.
So much time given wing to fly,
Passing years fallen once more.
Those moments that once seemed so long,
Have stretched so far and ever thin.
What once seemed right now feels wrong,
Forgotten where I did begin.
Invincible I once faced the world,
Bared my chest to face full brunt.
Ready to best what be unfurled,
Prowling out upon the hunt.
But I look back at foolish ways,
And all the things That I would change.
For the truth is cruelest in the days,
When better years are out of range.
500 years once stretched ahead,
Though they seem not as vast.
Closer to the end they're dead,
Nothing remains unto the last.
Though as the tears tick farewell,
And the vim has paled the vigor.
I wish I knew how to tell,
A younger me to avoid the rigor.
So fade away into the sun,
As it sets into the West.
A few more days until we're done,
To enjoy one last final rest.
End of Line.