It's been a while since I turned the view inward and analyzed my life. I think I am still troubled by the same demons, the same fears of rejection and fear and remorse but i am learning to temper it I hope. I actually tried to ask a girl out the other day. She turned me down, but it was at least politely. Part of me thinks that I may be better off alone and not trying, but the overall majority of myself thinks that I shouldn't quit.
I've had a couple of conversations about failure and quitting these past few weeks. I never minded failing. Failing meant that I tried and I didn't quit. Quitting is something i have never been good at. I hate to admit that I can't finish something. I keep at it until I succeed or I just wash out. Somehow knowing that I did my best, even if it wasn't good enough, always mattered to me more than if I was successful or not.
I need to keep applying this to my regular life. In the last few months I have had two failed attempts at dating and I guess that could be a positive thing. It's more than I have had in the past two years. Rejection hurts, but I think quitting would hurt more. Somehow I gotta channel this emotion into something more positive and keep at the grindstone.
I already look at one missed opportunity in my life. At a person I really really liked and now I realize that I have missed my chance. That makes me sad sometimes, to think that I may have had a shot, but now so much time has passed whatever opportunity that was there has long since expired.
Don't take this the wrong way. I am glad for the chances and experiences that I have had these past few months. I think that they are helping me grow as a person and as an individual. Maybe soon I will finally break out of the stigmata and start a relationship. Until Then I will try to remain positive and reflect on the learning experiences of the past few months.
Thanks for listening everyone.
End of Line.