Talk about a loss of focus, or lack of motivation, or whatever. I kind of gave up on writing for a little while. I still love writing and the act of creating,but I just lost the drive, the push, to do it. Even now as I type I feel a concentrated lack of excitement that I use to have. I'm hoping that by writing again and making myself get back into a routine, that I can re-kindle these old feelings. That I can somehow find my bliss, find that thing that use to make writing seem so important now that the feeling has faded.
I know a lot of it has to do with my living situation. I kind of realize I really hate living by myself. It's lonely, I find myself feeling really shut in and trapped, isolated. By not having that other person there I feel like I have lost a lot of the things that at one point defined me. I had the wonderful opportunity to live with my best friend for almost 5 years and I place zero blame at him moving on with his life and moving in with his absolutely awesome girlfriend, but when he left I found that a lot of my motivation did to. Not just my motivation to write, which I feel was always inspired by my friends great artistic talents and via his incredible will and work ethic on his own, but to do almost anything at the house. He came by the house last week and compared me to a squatter in my own home, and I really realize that I kind of am. I am there, yet I am not. I feel like I am squatting in my own life right now. It's kind of depressing to be honest.
At any rate the first step towards trying to restructure my own feelings is getting back to work on this blog. I want to create a really aggressive goal for this month and seeing how close I can get to it. 30 posts in 30 days. Starting today. Some days may have long posts, some short, but in the end, everyday I am going to endeavor to have some post on this blog. I'll start off with some simple stuff, getting back to Word Balloon columns and Rewind posts, but mostly I want to get back to doing some short fiction, both via returning to the World of Dead Sun, and by diving into some other stories, getting personal. Poetry is something else I have missed, despite my lackadaisical writing efforts over the past two months. I even want to look back at some of my Comic Con experience, which I can honestly credit as being one of the most fun trips I have had since I started attending them back in 1992.
Tune in tomorrow, where the one thing I can absolutely promise, is that there will be a new blog post.
1 down, 29 more to go.
End of Line.