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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Movie Review: Top 5 Worst Films of 2009

Hey all,

In what has become a typical feature in the month of January, I am going to run down the 5 worst films I have seen this year. I may or may not have actually reviewed them at their release, sometimes I know a movie is bad and don't watch it until it hits DVD or On Demand. Remember this is not an all encompassing list, I certainly cannot afford to see every movie released, and I may make an oversight and leave off a film. So the bottom line I guess is that these are the 5 worst films I personally saw in 2009.

5- Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

I watched this on Blue Ray and a friends house and truthfully expected the worst thing ever based on the reviews of people who had loved the first film and hated this one. As one of the few people who utterly hated the first film, I was not thrilled about watching it. It honestly was about as bad as the first one, which was my worst film of 2007. The rapping robots, the over extended special effects, and lack of story were horrible, though not to the level of drudgery that I expected. In the end though, I still hated the film and have no desire to ever see it again.

4- Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

Another film caught at a friends house (a theme you will see several times though out this list) and Street Fighter may be one of the most vapid and witless films ever made. It was horrible in execution and took what is a very simple story concept and alienated the entire built in fan base for the film by changing the mythology of Street Fighter. The casting was terrible, poor Kristen Kreuk and Michael Clark Duncan, you can actually cringe watching them in this. It's hard enough to make a passable video game film, this is one that actually makes the Jean Claude Van Damme version better by comparison.

3- Dragonball: Evolution

Like Street Fighter, Dragonball cashes in on its built in fan base and proceeds to butcher it. Both film had better casts than they should have had and an audience that WANTED to see this movie. The lead character of Goku was mis-cast severely as a young white guy, and James Marsters as the villainous Piccalo seemed to be cast solely based on the fact that he had done similar makeup work in Buffy. Don't even get me started on Chow-Yun Fat as Master Roshi. This movie was just as bad as Street Fighter, its just that I hated it a sliver more.

2- Funny People

Judd Apatow has been involved in some of my favorite comedies of the past few years, either as a producer, writer, or director. Talledega Nights, Anchorman, Walk Hard, The 40 Year Old Virgin, all very funny films. Here he manages to make the normally lovable Adam Sandler and make him an unlikeable and miserable. The film is just long and uncomfortable and lacks what the films title promises, Funny people. These people are not funny, they are just sad and cruel, and certainly not what I wanted going into this movie.

1- Miss March

Once again, at a friends house. The same friend that I also watched most of these films with. He is a huge Whitest Kids U'Know fan, which is the television show the lead actors from this film come from. Me, not so much. Miss March did not do anything to change my perception of the show. Mindless, tasteless, and unimaginative is the best way I can describe this film. Actually pedantic is better. I have not watched a more uninspired film in a long time and I really hated it. Zach Cregger
Trevor Moore wrote, starred, and directed this stinker so at least I know who to blame. Miss March is a singularly punishing experience.

There you have it. The Five Worst Films I have watched this year. I am sure there may have been a few more that were more deserving. I never did watch Year One and observe and Report was dangerously close to making my list. Leave a comment and let me know what your worst flick of the tear was, I'd be happy to see what you all have to say.

Next week I should have my 2010 Preview up, and before the end of the month I'll do my best of list. I still haven't seen Avatar and I don''t think I can make a really complete list before I have a chance to review that one. Thanks for reading!

End of Line.


Dave-O said...

Great post. I was originally a huge fan of Whitest Kids, but after watching a few episodes (how did they get a whole show???) I now feel they are very hit and miss. And not so much on the hit side. To be fair, they've done some very funny stuff, but overall more disappointing than a hooker with a penis. Unless you're into that kind of thing.

I actually haven't seen any of these 5 disasters, and now I'm glad. I did, however, see Observe and Report. And to quote my own review of that mess:
"It was like Knocked Up had a one night stand with Taxi Driver and this was the baby they left in the dumpster after prom. It starts out like an edgy comedy, sort of Apatow/Todd Philips/"Kenny Powers"-ish, and then takes a really dark turn. Like really dark. I think I might need to talk to a therapist about what just happened to my moviegoing expectations."

GERRAD! said...

Observe and Report was totally not what I expected. I sort of thought it would be a funnier Paul Blart (which I also skipped) and it turned into pretty much exactly what you described...

Rurouni_Chuwy said...

If you had seen year one, Transformers 2 would be 6th. Year One was painful...Just painful...A friend of mine invited me to her house to watch(I had already watched it in theaters with my brother) and that was her choice movie...When I asked why she told me a "Your Brother said you loved this movie." =(

Craigaleg said...

Didn't see anything but Transformers...and I wanted out of that movie about 20 minutes in...

I'll keep this list for those boring nights when everyone is drunk and needs something to laugh at. Nice post!