Flash Fiction: Noir Story

Chapter 1


My mouth tasted like the inside of a cat's ass. Sort of like a piece of shit drug across sandpaper. I liked my lips and worked my jaw in a slow circle as I wiped the morning crust from my eyes. I had fallen asleep in my chair again and I was just waiting for the stiffness in my back to break through the hangover. Blearily I rubbed my eyes and sat forward, hearing the creaking of both the rickety wooden chair and the popping of my shoulders when I reached out to stretch.

I was just starting to feel the stiffness creep through as I popped open my desk drawer and pulled out a prescription bottle. I popped a couple of Vicoden out and reached for my glass. It was sitting beside the bottle of vodka I had been working through last night and still had a lonely cigarette butt floating in the dregs at the bottom. I whipped the contents out the open window behind me and poured a finger into the glass. I gulped down the pills and swallowed the vodka with a wince. A little hair of teh dog to start the morning right never hurts.

I slowly stood up out of the chair and rubbed the small of my back as I walked towards the tiny bathroom that was off my office slash apartment. I was clad in my third best pair of boxers and a wife beater that had turned more yellow than white. I pulled the cord to the single bulb that lit the bathroom and pulled up the toilet seat, ready to unleash a healthy stream of piss that had been bottled in my kidneys for too long. As I opened the lid I saw my toothbrush stuck bristle end down in a lonely floating turd. I reached down and pulled it out and sniffed the bristle, wondering how much hot water would have to be used before it was clean again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a note scrawled in red lipstick on the mirror saying in bold capital letters, " FUCK YOU WARREN!" It was then I realized that I had forgot my date last night.

Sighing I pissed and washed my hands, using my pointer finger as a toothbrush to rinse the cat ass from my mouth and went to get dressed. Anne was pissed and when she got pissed, it never meant anything good for me. You wanna know what the worst part of this whole thing is? It wasn't even my turd.

End of Line.
Gerrad!