Introspection

Hey all,

So it seems my sister in law, with the best of intentions, tried to hook me up with a girl from her office. We had a series of enjoyable, informative, even provocative text messages that I quite enjoyed. I don't really have a full field of confidence with women and having this opportunity was really awesome. I thought we had some decent conversations on my end, though to be honest I never got a good idea of what she thought from me. I tried to be as funny and as charming as I could, asking questions to learn as much about her as I could.

After talking for the first time I wanted to exchange digital information. Pictures, blog, whatever, just a simple exchange of MySpace information. Really I had two reasons behind this. One was the simple fact that I wanted a face to put the words to. I wanted to see what she looked like. I am not the kind of guy who gets caught up in looks, I just wanted to get to know her better. The other reason, the real reason, is that I wanted the same for her. I wanted her to put my face with myself. I know who I am and what I look like, I know that I an overweight. I didn't want that to be a disappointment. I didn't want to let her down. So I sent my info along in one of my emails.

We talked briefly the day after that. Again I sent another email, just low key and not insistent, just saying how much I liked talking to her and getting to know her better. I asked if she had checked me out yet. Then that was pretty much the last I heard from her. I suppose it might have been to much to ask on my part, she was younger than me, just 23. Raising a child on her own. I just find myself wondering if she did check me out and that's why she lost interest. Maybe I lost it before then, maybe I didn't. I don't think I did.

I wondered if I was prepared for dating. Even taking it slowly, there was a child involved. Long ago I gave up on those thoughts, I would have been just happy with a date you know. I'm trying to chalk it up to being just an experience, but I still think that some days I am better off not trying. I just wish I knew where I stand sometimes. If that was the reason, if how I looked turned her off, I'd have rather heard the truth, painful or not. It's the not knowing that really hurts.

End of Line.
Gerrad!