Blog Summary

A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

True Story Time

Hope everyone enjoyed their St. Patrick's Day weekend. It's always great when St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday as you can really cut loose. Whenever any of my friends hit up a bar, we usually go to the same one, Old Chicago. I enjoy going their as they offer a wide variety of beers, usually around a 120 different kinds. This gives me a chance to sample many kinds and I don't have to always get the same thing, though I do tend to drink a lot of Old Milwaukee.

Anyway I had a good time, we were set up on the patio, about 15 of us, so I brought my portable speakers and IPOD so we had music and generally had a great time. Saturday's is usually karaoke there too. When they first started karaoke I usually had to have a few drinks in order to get up the courage to sing as I am seriously monotone and tone deaf, but after having done it so many times I don't need them anymore. I'm horrible but I learned the importance is picking a song in your vocal range that at least the audience will laugh with or join in. Therefore I tend to do Boyz N The Hood by Dynamite Hack or some Bloodhound Gang, even the occasional Johnny Cash. Most of these artists have a low vocal range so I don't sound awful, just bad. It's all in fun anyway so my friends can have a laugh. Boyz N the Hood always gets a good reaction too as an overweight white guy doing a soft rock NWA song is usually funny.

My best (and worst St. Patrick's Day) was last year. We were at the same bar and my good friend Bill and his wife were hanging out with me. Bill's fiancee at the time had invited a co-worker over. You know, when you watch TV or movies, you always see or hear about those super-hot lesbians, but few exist out here in the wild. You always know a guy who's brother knew one or something. Well, this co-worker was in fact a super hot lesbian. She was funny too and the four of us had a great time. We also drank a whole lot.. I mean a lot. Its a good thing at the time that Bill lived like across the street from the bar, you literally went across the street and made a right. So we were drinking green beer and mixing shots and while I was drunk, I was defiantly in the best shape of all of us, my threshold for alcohol is pretty high. We all decide that we should crash at Bill's. As the gentleman, and most sober(though that's saying little), I insist that our fine lesbian take the spare bed. She absolutely refuses claiming she wants the couch. I finally relent and crash. Not 5 minutes has passed when I hear a knocking at my door. I'm down to my boxers ( I can't sleep otherwise!) and I open the door to find a naked lesbian asking if she can sleep in the bed as she just went vomited all over the couch and her clothes. Why the underwear was off I just count as a blessing. I tuck her in and through her clothes in the washing machine and tried to clean up as best as I could. She had washed off before waking me.

Now is the part where I am a stupid fucking idiot. Instead of crashing back in the bed, I sleep on a love seat as I didn't want to take advantage of the situation. What was I thinking?!?!?! I could have slept in the same bed as a super hot drunk lesbian! The invite would have been there as there was nowhere to sleep. I didn't sleep a wink that night, the self-loathing and regret not surfacing until the morning when my thoughts were clearer. Alas that was the last time I saw my super hot lesbian. Bill's fiancee and her had a bit of a falling out over the fact that she puked so much she ruined the couch (they steam cleaned it and it still smelled) and she took a transfer to the farm belt somewhere. Alas I will always have that memory, of the time a super hot naked lesbian slept in my bed. If only I had been a part of it. Truly my greatest regret. I like to think that I could have powered through the Roman Shower aspect of the sleeping.. a little vomit, so what.. she was super hot!!

One day, maybe I can make it right....but what guy like me gets 2 chances at greatness?

End of Line.

No comments: