Yeah it's me. No I haven't quit the blog. There has been a lotta of thoughts running through my mind lately. This blog, work, love, friendship, even reflections on the meanings of Patriot's Day, today. I really noticed the date today, the 11th, I have only posted one time in 11 days and that is really sad. I don't really have one reason why I haven't been on. It's a lot of reasons. Work, motivation, apathy, writer's block, even the fact that I have just been so tired. So very tired when I come home.
Even looking over that sentence, I know writer's block isn't one of them. I have so many stories and topics to post on. A lot of things to talk about. Yet I find myself sitting at the computer to work, and staring off into the emptiness of the white screen. Who am I really sharing these thoughts with, why am I really writing them. I say it's because I love to write, which is true, but why do you keep writing something that no one reads. I will resolve to salavge this month and put these thoughts down, to capture these moments and put them to word. If only for myself, and if only for prosperity, if only because I am free to do so.
Today I sat at work with one of my managers. She was really upset, crying and shuddering with sadness and depression over the apparent breakup of her and her fiance. She had told him about an infidelity she had a year and a half ago when they were on a break from each other. I could see the regret and pain, and the longing in her eyes as she sobbed and told me her story. I could do nothing but hold her close and whisper what I hoped where good lies into her ears about the fact that everything would be okay. To say the right words to comfort my friend, and to spare her more pain. That look in her eyes nearly broke my heart.
I don't think I have ever felt such hurt or pain, felt such a need for another human being. I know my feelings, I know that a lot of what I am is beneath the surface, unshown and bottled away. To see something like that so open and raw, it just made me wonder if someone could feel that way about me, or if I could feel that way about them. If there was life enough inside me to still care.
Eight years ago today the nation faced one of it's worst tragedies in recent memory. The attacks on the twin towers at 9/11. Today is a time for reflection on all the things that make this country great. Like the fleeting days of patriotism that surrounded that nightmare in the weeks following the attack, and the freedom to hurt for someone you love. It reminded me that I am thankful to be here and be able to put these thoughts to words. To write a few lines and have the freedom to reflect on my life and my choice. Even to have the freedom to regret them.
Today is the day that I remember.
End of Line.